The first concept you need to grasp is that women like to feel special and the better you are at making her feel special, the more attractive you will be to her. Women put emotions before looks or social status and if you can make her feel great, then you will be much more attractive to her than any guy who makes her feel as just another notch on his bedpost, no matter how rich or good looking he is.

Breaking the Ice in Online Dating

You need to understand that women are not like men. While you might be tempted to talk to her like another guy and present logical arguments regarding why she should like you all you will succeed in doing is coming up against a brick wall. Women don’t respond to logic, they respond to feelings, they process through emotions, which means you need to create an emotional connection.

If you have come across the profile of a woman you would like to get to know better, it’s time to start up the conversation. Whatever you do, though, don’t send cookie-cutter messages like a gazillion other guys which will get deleted as soon as they hit her inbox. Remember that attractive women get tons of emails and messages, and most of them are completely terrible, showing that they guy has put no effort into learning a little more about her.

She will receive everything from messages such as “I like your profile. It looks like we have a lot of things in common. Let’s talk,” or “You’re so hot! Let’s get together.” In the first case, her reaction will be along the lines of “So, what exactly do we have in common?” meaning that she knows he didn’t bother to really look at her profile and if he did, he couldn’t remember most of what he read because he was fixated on her photo. Next step? Delete.

I probably don’t even need to tell you what will happen with the second message. Guys, she knows she is hot because a million other men have told her so. She wants you to see more than just what she looks like.

So, to really set yourself apart from the crowd you are going to have to really study her profile. This means getting a pen and paper and taking notes as well. You need to read her profile until you understand who she really is, what she is trying to show through the stories she is telling you, what her deepest passions and desires are.

Once you truly understand what matters to her you can use it to craft a meaningful message that will spark her interest. For one, you will show that you took the time to read up on her and you will make her feel special. Second, she will feel that you get who she is and that she can connect with you, so she is going to want to get to know you better.

The same principle is also applicable if she contacts you first. Just because she sent you a message first doesn’t mean you don’t have to do your homework. So, she sent you a message. Maybe she saw something that intrigued her in your profile but that doesn’t mean she has to stick around unless you continue to fascinate her.

So, when you receive a message from a woman you are interested in, your first goal should be to really understand her, and you will do this by taking some time to study her profile. Then make sure to read her message and think long and hard about it. You will need to respond with a message that captures her imagination while also showing her that you “get her”. This will make her feel special and you will soon be meeting in the flesh.


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