You know the story: the bad boy always gets the girl while the nice guy is left there cooling his heels wondering what he did wrong. How come the nice guy never gets the girl? Sadly, it’s because you are too nice! Yes, it’s possible to be too nice because the message you send is completely wrong.

Desperation Works Both Ways

Most women, however hard they may deny it to the outside world, want a man who is capable of looking after them. Now, don’t start imagining that women are gold diggers, because it has more to do with emotional support than material, especially in today’s world. Most women can easily provide for themselves, and some can even do it quite a bit better than men. However, there are few women who don’t feel the need to be able to come home to someone in the evening who will be supportive and tell her they will face all the problems together.

What does this have to do with being a nice guy? Well, if you are too nice you often tend to come across as desperate and insecure, which doesn’t give you many points in the strength department. Women want a strong man they can rely on and if you are acting like a clingy, insecure person when you are asking her out, she isn’t going to see that in you.

That doesn’t mean you have to be rude, but at the same time don’t put yourself out there completely from day one. It will only weaken your position in this negotiation game. And yes, it is a negotiation. Just as you are sizing her up, wondering if she will be a good partner to you, so will she be doing with you. While most men are attracted by looks first, women look more for strength and power, which you will not be projecting if you are too nice.

Unfortunately, rather than appreciate the fact that you are making things easy for her by giving everything you have from the start, you will only play against human nature. The latter makes most people under appreciate things that come easily. Of course, this doesn’t mean you should be a jerk because that will backfire on you as well. Remember that being a bad boy doesn’t mean you should disrespect her. However, you need to find that perfect balance between showing you are interested but not putting yourself at her feet, essentially begging for a date.

Just as you like to discover a woman slowly and you find her mystery alluring, she also wants to do a little exploring and discovering of her own. While she wants to know you are interested in her and she wants to be treated with respect, she also wants a man who makes her feel safe and protected. If you act too sensitive and nice you will only come across as weak and most women don’t want to be with a man who projects desperation. She will wonder if you want to date her, or if anyone will do. At the same time she won’t be interested in a man who acts as if he is looking for a surrogate mother.

Unfortunately, there is no exact formula to help you find the perfect balance between “naughty and nice” because it differs from case to case. However, one way to find out if you are coming across as too desperate and insecure is by asking a friend, preferably female, to come out with you and watch you in action, as it were. She, or he, as the case may be, can point out your mistakes to you. An objective eye is worth its weight in gold.


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